Sometimes when you develop feelings they happen to be for your friend's ex. But, pursuing these feelings might not always be worth it. Here are some potential red flags to consider if you're trying to decide whether or not dating someone your friend has dated is a good idea. Whether the relationship went down in flames or if two people who truly loved each other realized that things just weren't going to work out, most breakups can be tough. And some can be worse than others. If your friend is still reeling over their split, it's best to be there for them - not move on to their ex yourself.
No matter what his answer is, it's going to make things weird. Besides, comparing yourself to anybody - even if you come out ahead - is always going to lead to feeling crappy, because basing your self-esteem on where you stand relative to someone else is Not Healthy. So don't seek out comparisons, and if your dude brings up the topic, tell him you're not interested in hearing it.
You and your friend are not in competition, except when you're actually playing Scrabble. Don't be paranoid.
If you love your best friend far more than her ex, do the right thing and find another guy. A crush passes, but a best friend is forever. 7. They just broke up. You've probably had a thing for the guy while he was with your best friend. You might be able to date him, but not right now. Only you can judge how close you and your friend are, but if we're talking about your best friend or someone you see often, that alone can deter you from dating their ex. "Situations are not black and white," dating coach Sebastian Callow told the Telegraph. "My rule of thumb is that it's fine unless it is a very good friend. Aug 21, How to Date Your Ex's Best Friend - Fostering a Positive Relationship with the Best Friend Avoid comparing the best friend to your ex. Don't gossip or trash talk your ex. Allow the best friend to spend time with your ex. Be respectful of your ex's feelings at social events%(6).
Don't try to keep your boyfriend and your bud from associating because you're afraid they still have feelings for each other, and don't constantly seek reassurance that that's not the case. Trust that your dude is with you because he likes you and you're awesome, not because he's biding his time until your friend takes him back.
Trust that your friend is happy you've found someone you dig, not plotting to sabotage your love. And don't ever use jealousy or insecurity over their past relationship to excuse irrational or controlling behavior on your part. Of course, if your sweetie gives you a legitimate reason to believe he's untrustworthy, get out of there stat, but if there's really nothing wrong, don't create problems where none exist.
Don't pry into their relationship. It may be tempting ask your friend to analyze what happened between the two of them so that you can avoid making the same mistakes, but resist that urge. Likewise, don't grill your boyfriend on what went wrong or insist that he account for his behavior throughout the entire time they dated. Their relationship is between them; it's not your cautionary tale or your soap opera.
5 Rules for Dating Your Ex's Friend (Also, Can You Even Do That?)
If they choose to share details with you, that's fine - you don't need to stick your fingers in your ears, unless an overt comparison is being made see No. Your relationship and theirs are separate things, and you don't need to know anything they don't care to tell you.
Recognize that some exes really are off-limits. It's easier, of course, to have hard-line rules - "exes are never OK" versus "exes are totally fine" - but that's not the world we live in.
If someone seriously mistreated your friend we're talking emotional or physical abuse, infidelity, lying, stealing, etc. This has nothing to do with some kind of Eternal Dibs situation, and everything to do with the fact that, by choosing to build a relationship with someone who treated her horribly, you're telling your friend you don't think what he did to her was all that bad.
Just walk away. There are lots of people out there who are just as good in bed and haven't traumatized anyone you care about.
Maybe he tends to plan more intimate dates at home, and your ex would go all out with an expensive dinner for date night. Rather than compare the two, focus on the positives of each approach. Then, remind yourself that you are with the best friend because he does things differently and offers different things than your ex did. Trash talking your ex, in front of the best friend or with other friends, will only create more tension between your ex and the best friend.
Your hurtful words about your ex may make your new partner upset. This could then lead to tension and conflict between the two of you.
Allow the best friend to spend time with your ex. For the sake of your new relationship, you should try to be okay with your new partner spending time with your old partner. Your new partner may also miss spending time with his best friend, despite the circumstances.
You should encourage them to spend time together so it does not seem like you are trying to be controlling or selfish in the relationship.
Making an effort to spend time together as a group can help to normalize the situation and allow your ex to get used to your new relationship. Be respectful of your ex's feelings at social events. If you still share mutual friends with your ex, you and your new partner will eventually end up at social events where your ex is present.
When and if this happens, you should try to be respectful towards your ex's feelings and be considerate of your ex when you are around him with the best friend.
This may mean not showing too much physical affection with the best friend when you are around your ex, such as holding hands, kissing, or cuddling together.
Displays of affection could make your ex uncomfortable or upset, especially if you recently broke up and are now seeing his best friend. You should also try to be inclusive of your ex, especially if your ex and his best friend are still close.
This may mean including your ex in social get togethers with other friends or being okay if your ex hangs out with you and the best friend. Over time, the situation should normalize and hopefully your ex will get used to your relationship with the best friend.
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Co-authors: ated: March 3, Categories: Getting a Date. Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 95, times. Reader Success Stories. GG Geo Grew Dec 18, I am good friends with his best friend though, and I like him.
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Your friend is still struggling with the breakup.
Co-Authored By:. Share yours! All these factors will help you decide if you should act on your feelings. If you and your ex broke up two years ago and he's pals with this guy but not super tight, you're way more likely to have a green light than if you two broke up months ago and they're roommates. Crowdsource advice.
So, you're interested in your ex-boyfriend's best friend - talk about awkward. Dating your best friend's ex or your ex's best friend is a no-no in any rule book you will ever find. It's in the bro code, it's in The Rules and it is generally the source of so-called "drama". Jun 04, 7 Crucial Rules for Dating Your Friend's Ex. 1. Don't gossip. It's common to assume that anything shared with you is by default shared with your partner as well; however, your friend might be 2. Don't trash talk. It's OK to come to your partner for advice if you're arguing with your friend, or Author: Lindsay King-Miller. Mar 27, 5 Rules for Dating Your Ex's Friend (Also, Can You Even Do That?) Think about your past relationship as objectively as possible. How serious were you guys? How long has it been since you broke up? Was he always Crowdsource advice. Ask your most honest friend who, in .
Ask your most honest friend who, in an ideal world, also knows your ex. How does he or she think your ex would react?
Your friend might be able to offer some perspective that you'd miss, being too entrenched in the situation. Wait a little bit. When it first dawns on you that you might like your ex's friend, you're probably going to feel the urge to act immediately.
Dating your ex boyfriends best friend
Give it a little bit. You might find it's just a crush! We've all heard stories where two people get together under touchy circumstances and a friend group is a little upset, or even falls apart.