Jason is a big-hearted person. He is creative, has a decent sense of humor, has good taste in music, and loves to cook. He is generally independent, though. He can manage his own money wisely, care for himself, cook his own meals, and care for our younger brother and their cats when needed. He was seeing a girl a few years ago. He was very broken up about it. He is online a lot and he discovered a site called Omegle.
If you agonize over this, making impassioned pleas to your sister-in-law and laying out all the reasons why this is a bad idea, it will only do a handful of things - and none of them good. It will drive a wedge between you. It will inspire her to chase after this man harder.
It will take up your precious time, wasting it with trivialities. And ultimately it will prevent you from being what your sister-in-law needs: a supportive and healthy family.
If you say nothing, she may still pursue him. She may still marry him. And she may still have children with him. And he may still live up to whatever doomsday scenario you are playing out in your head. But the good news is that the odds are lower that she will do that simply in an effort to assert her independence from you and from her family.
The doomsday scenarios can be terrifying. What if they have children and pass on the disability?
Is it okay to date a mentally retarded person?
What if he becomes violent when he can't argue on her intellectual level in a heated discussion? What if they are incapable of supporting each other and become a burden to the family? What if, what if, what if But the truth is that those scenarios could and do!
We're all just longing for a bit of companionship, and we are often blinded by that desire. Let your sister-in-law try for it also, with full knowledge that people change and grow and learn more about themselves by trial and error. This may be one of her trials. This may be an error. Or this may be the love of her life. Keep in mind that you might not be able to do anything about it, and disapproving of romantic relationships tends to cement them.
Best thing to do might be shut up and put up, for the time being. I have no opinion on your question "Should I just get over it, or is this fundamentally wrong for her to do? You may find some data that will help you decide how to feel about this situation going forward. Although you didn't say what type of disability this man has, one place to start is this list of organizations posted by the National Down Syndrome Society. I find this horrifying for multiple reasons. Very clearly your issue, not theirs.
I hope one day you can look back on this question and hear the way it sounds to everyone else. I can relate feeling concerned or protective about who my family members are dating, but your extreme reaction to this is inappropriate. I'd be freaked out if any of my siblings started dating somebody that was developmentally disabled.
But, there's really not much wrong with this situation, so long as your sis-in-law isn't really taking advantage of him - in a use-him-and-lose-him sort of way. The "this seems exploitative" is the worst part of the social equation, but I'm not sure I see it here. There are a lot of bad relationships out there.
I understand being protective. But, I mean, in the larger scheme of things, she is going to get into relationships, some of which will not end well. So will he. Why not let them do it together?
At Dating A Mentally Challenged Person first, I'd like to say to you that your intuitions are good. Women like casual Dating A Mentally Challenged Person sex the same way men does. Some do, some don't. It depends of the woman, of the moment, of the person, of the situation / Oct 27, Those entering such a relationship should have an authentic motivation, and if there's a significant mental functioning difference, should not take advantage of the mentally disabled thefoodlumscatering.com: Phillip Milano. Transsexual Escorts Information. Our goal is to Dating A Mentally Challenged Person help you search find a trusted and local shemale escort in your thefoodlumscatering.com the search Dating A Mentally Challenged Person box at the top of every page to find the perfect match for you. No matter what city you live in, if you are visiting on business or seeking a personal tour guide, adding a /
You never know how it might turn out. The main concern I would have in this situation is whether he's capable of informed consent. He lives in a group home. What do his caregivers think of their relationship? We are all reading a lot into this very difficult question, myself included.
In the US typical nuclear family scheme of things, this is not your business.
But not everyone lives that way, even in the US or similar countries. To you and your wife and her family and sister, this might very well be your business. There is no way of knowing without details about the dynamics of your family, how yall all think of "family," sister-in-law included. That said, I completely agree with palliser.
This seems like a question for your family to discuss with a professional. Consult your family doctor or the nurse line provided by insurance companies if you are in the US.
Either should be able to direct you to the kind of professional guidance you need. But I would start with websites for caregivers of special needs adults or whatever you want to call adults like your sister-in-law's boyfriend.
You may even find a forum to pose this question. And if you practice a religion, you might also speak to clergy for peace of mind.
Finally, your concerns do NOT make you a judgmental, condescending, or a bad person. This is an unusual situation, made even more complex because your sister-in-law comes from a very sheltered background, and you're not really sure what level she's functioning at herself.
Now she has a potentially sexual relationship, likely one of her first if not first of its kind. At the very least, someone needs to take her to Planned Parenthood and familiarize her with birth control. Good luck and don't beat yourself up for asking a really hard question. You say her growth has been stunted by the way her parents have treated her, but perhaps they've treated her that way because of her natural capacities? I appreciate your concerns, and would think it odd if intellectual but depressed people I knew were deeply emotionally involved with those whose mental capacities were severely limited, because it would strike me as setting up an unfair power dynamic and not being a good motivational source, so increasing depression.
Whether I would say anything would depend on particulars, but I don't think you're wrong to notice if you think your sister in law is an intellectual sort. However, you haven't given specific indications that your sister in law is interested in mental pursuits.
She has a college degree, but having taught adjunct in local colleges, I know it depends heavily on what kind of college it was whether that is meaningful or basically just more high school. Otherwise she likes caring for Alzheimer patients, going to church, and staying home with her parents. Maybe you are projecting your own desires onto her life a little bit.
She could have a very average or low average IQ and be okay with a life that isn't focused on ideas or achievements. She could just want to find someone nice and be happy and maybe have some babies and that's it. No need to even learn to drive. So just check that you're really thinking of her, and not what you would want if you were in her position.
You might have cause for concern, but try to see it from her perspective first. Could I gently suggest that maybe your sister-ij-law has more profound stuff going on mentally than being the victim of coddling? A lot of people are overprotected as children but still act on the urge to strike out on their own independently. Look, I don't know your sister-in-law, and perhaps I would share your opinion that there's nothing wrong with her that living on her own and therapy couldn't fix.
But you seem to be very clear on categorizing her as "normal" and him as "having something wrong with him," despite the fact that you characterize her as emotionally and developmentally stunted, unwilling to live independently, and suffering from chronic depression. I'm not entirely certain where the concerns over exploitation are coming in, but I think that you're implying that your sister-in-law has decided to pursue this man because he's a "sure thing?
Or she may really be developing feelings for him. Regardless, I think that when you talk to her about this, you're going to need to suppress your visceral reaction to her new relationship. Getting her defensive is no way to discuss your concerns with her.
I know that this goes against the grain, but I find myself agreeing with you. I'm not sure of any way to intervene that wouldn't really get your sister totally hopping mad at you. But, you should at least be honest, and let her know somehow that you disapprove, and why. She should know that you're not willing to have him sit at the table with you for family gatherings. I don't have any good answers. Even with more facts, I don't know that I could afford you a sound strategy for dealing with this.
The only thing that comes to mind is that sometimes, developmental disability is hereditary, and if she has kids with this guy, they could be in for a lifetime of convalescent care for not being able to feed themselves. That's a worst-case scenario, of course. Good luck, man. I feel for you.
If your SIL is as you say - emotionally and developmentally stunted, not too bright regardless of her educationthen it's probably not exploitative or unethical to be dating a mildly retarded man. If she were intellectually normal - or at least close to it - I would be as horrified as you are. It's impossible to say without knowing both parties very well, and I don't think you'll find a definitive answer in this thread. Whoa, Citrus. Where the heck did that come from?
You're getting a lot of crap for this, and perhaps you could have used more sensitive wording; however, it's perfectly valid for you to have problems with it. Someone who is developmentally disabled is often thought to have the emotional status comparable to that of a child. Ethically and socially, it is completely unacceptable for an adult to engage in a romantic relationship with a child.
I think this is probably where a lot of your initial repulsion is coming from. But that doesn't that their relationship is unhealthy. As it is, it doesn't sound like you have enough information to make the call on whether or not the relationship is unhealthy.
So I'd advise you to get to know the guy and approach the situation with an open mind before damning it. Read through enough relationshipfilter questions around here and you'll see that lots and lots of allegedly neurotypical people have the emotional age of year-olds-they lie, they sneak around, they make unreasonable demands of those around them, etc.
Dating a mentally challenged person
My wife and I are working on her teaching her to develop life goals, encourage her to make friends, encouraging her to seek therapy, and so in Does she actually want this? Is she seeking out your help, or is she putting up with it because it's less trouble than rocking the boat?
I agree with other folks that it's really not your business, and interfering will likely only push her in the direction you don't want her to go. Nth the idea that you would be getting different answers if the genders were reversed. I think some of the answers you are getting are a bit daft given the 'immediately started referring to her as 'my girlfriend'' part crossed with 'ultimate goal of marriage'; this relationship does seem inappropriate at best.
This is what you need to be concerned with. I worked in a group home until recently yay layoffs! Here's what happened: Nice Boy lived in a group home and was, in fact, very nice.
He worked at Walmart as a greeter and was friendly to everyone he met. They hit it off.
DATING WITH A DISABILITY
It was cute and she seemed a little special herself, so the staff didn't say much. Both were warned about appropriate behavior and agreed to limits i. No closed doors, Don't touch anywhere a bathing suit would cover etc.
One day Nice Boys parents came to visit from out of town. This was a surprise visit for Nice Boy,as it was near his birthday. Nice Boy was still legally a minor. Was she? She wasn't. Then they were calling the cops. And they did. And Sweet Girl was arrested for inappropriate conduct with a minor.
Feb 21, Of course. They're people, too, as human as the rest of us. Why shouldn't they have meaningful relationships? Your typical intellectually-disabled person is in the mild to moderate range, the sort of person who's very much like anybody else, only. Aug 11, No one posting here thinks that the mentally retarded should be locked in cages, or not allowed to date or to have fulfilling human relationships. The original poster is asking whether he should be concerned that his "normal" sister-in-law is dating a man who may not be able to give informed consent to an adult relationship. May 08, I'm writing regarding my year-old brother, "Jason." Jason is a big-hearted person. He is creative, has a decent sense of humor, has good taste in music, and loves to cook. He's also mildly mentally challenged. He is generally independent, though. He can manage his own money wisely, care for himself, cook his own mea.
The other night I caught him once again trolling random girls to ask out. Girls he knows literally nothing about.
They shame him for having screen savers of scantily clad comic book characters or even having an interest in women. No, setting them up together is absolutely not an option, by the way.
Jun 20, Is it okay to date a mentally retarded person? Dating A Mentally Challenged Person. Source(s): thefoodlumscatering.com 0 0 0. Login to reply the answers Post; If you refer as her as "a mentally retarded person" then you look down on her an you underestimate her intelligence, she's one person just like you or me, but you already put on. May 24, I could not date a mentally challenged person because one of the things i like most about a relationship is stimulating conversation, and I do not think they would be able to do that. Cute eventually wears off, and at some point the fireworks die down, and I woudln't want to be left with someone that couldn't mentally challenge me. Nov 04, What a fantastic article! I think this is such great advice. Considering the fact that the person who is worried about dating someone with a mental illness probably has an undiagnosed illness, I'd love to see you do a follow-up on that. Many people don't consider addictions, to sex, work, alcohol etc. a mental illness.
Should I help him sign up for a proper online dating site? He goes out on his own weekly and meets up with an anime club and plays strategic card games with some people.
I have suggested that he starts getting to know a few of the girls there in a non-aggressive and non-creepy way. Is there anything else that can be advised? And I can certainly appreciate that, given his mild mental challenges, you want to protect him from the world. Unfortunately, part of living a full life means opening yourself up to a potential broken heart, embarrassment, and even worse, physical danger.
Is it robbery? And what can your brother actively do, save from shutting himself indoors and never venturing online or out into the world, to protect himself from these crimes? It may sound tedious, but making a list of each worry, followed by a list of preventative actions your brother can take - and that you can help him take - may go a long way in helping both of you feel more secure. Of course, none of these tips are sure-fire safety measures, but they can definitely add a level of security that it sounds like your brother is currently lacking.
Shell May 8,pm. A few weeks ago we did a poetry workshop. JJ September 12,am. Hi-where is this located, this group?
Im near Houston, and my older brother really needs to socialize more! His disability is mildthanks! CatsMeow May 8,pm.
JK May 8,pm. It really is a complicated subject. We the universal we tend to view people with intellectual disabilities especially as asexual beings because of their intellectual abilities. But they are really not- they are adults, with adult bodies, adult hormones and all the adult urges that the average person has. I just did a quick google search for dating website for people with disabilities and quite a few came up.
FireStar May 8,pm. I think this is the best idea. To have him target a dating site where they may have protocols in place to protect their vulnerable clientel. And the group social meet ups - that sounds like a great way of socializing and meeting people.
Girls he will feel comfortable with and that will feel comfortable with him. Micah May 8,pm. I thought of the same story, katie. Help your brother find safer ways to meet girls. I saw some really good suggestions in the comments here. Leroy May 8,pm. Fabelle May 8,pm. I sort of read this a bit differently?
Is anyone else getting that vibe? I did. Joking aside, you are fine. Date her if she wants to go out with you. Who cares what others say. It's ok if u date a mentally retarted person. If you refer as her as "a mentally retarded person" then you look down on her an you underestimate her intelligence, she's one person just like you or me, but you already put on her a label It's obvious you have serious issues and prejudges, better leave her alone before you hurt her.
ate: Okay well i'm also wondering if I should ask for her parents permission or just go ahead? Answer Save. Dating A Mentally Challenged Person.