I have given my fair share of mixed signals to men over the years, for various reasons. I hope to help others learn from my mistakes. Guys, you know the feeling; one minute she is totally into you, and the next she is ignoring you. Why do women do that? Is she really into you, or is she playing you? What is going on?
She wants a confident guy who will maintain belief in himself and his attractiveness to her no matter how hot or cold she is when she meets him, goes on a date with him, gets into bed with him or gets into a relationship with him. Even when a woman is in a happy relationship, she will never stop testing to make sure her guy is still man enough for her.
If he reacts by becoming emotionally needy e. She just wants to see that he remains confident in his attractiveness and value to him no matter what she says or does. Ultimately, whether you are meeting a woman for the first time, or have been with her for many years, her instinct to test your confidence will always remain the same. She will always check to see that you are still the kind of man that she can look up to and respect; and if she can, her attraction and desire for you will deepen.
No matter what you might have heard some women saying e. Essentially, what women have been trying to convince men and themselves of, is that they actually prefer being the dominant one in the relationship. So, contrary to what all the feminists have been trying to get clueless guys to believe, women do not want to be the ones wearing the pants in the relationship; they actually prefer it when their man does that.
So, when a woman tests you e. Of course, some women enjoy dominating a man e. If you want her to have sex with you and want to be your girlfriend, you have to make sure that you focus on sparking her feelings of sexual attraction first. No matter how hot or cold she acts around you, if you keep triggering her feelings of sexual attraction by maintaining your confidence and behaving in some of the ways that are naturally attractive to women e.
Remember this: There is absolutely nothing wrong with being nice to a woman and being a good guy, but trying to get her to like you as a person is not the same as her feeling uncontrollable, sexual desire for you. So, rather than waste a lot of time trying to get a woman to like you as a person and cause her to keep testing you e.
The more attracted a woman feels to you, the less reasons she will have to keep testing your confidence.
Homepage Dating Understanding a Girl's Hot and Cold Behavior (what it really means) x At TSB Magazine our mission to help "recovering nice guys" reclaim their masculinity, handle women's . Jun 19, It's long been the rule that when dating someone whose behavior is marked by hot and cold reactivity, you're standing on shaky ground. Behavioral extremes indicate a power .
When a woman is attractive, chances are high that she will have already experienced one or more relationships with guys who were emotionally weaker than her, so she will be even more careful to avoid making the same mistake again. She will act hold and cold and pretend not to be interested to make sure that she weeds out the emotionally weak guys and only accepts the strong ones.
So, rather than get annoyed or upset about a woman being hot or cold, just use her tests as an opportunity to make her feel so much desire for you e. Free video reveals how ordinary guys get laid or get a girlfriend by using a simple approach that works instantly on all kinds of women Dan Bacon is a dating and relationship expert.
This means that her attraction towards you fluctuates by the day. Imagine there is a thermostat. And degrees is hot an 30 degrees is cold. Every time she pulls her phone out some guy is trying to get in her pants. This is an unconscious test on her part.
The absolute worst thing you can do is start to act needy and keep asking her if everything is alright. Maybe you have to focus on creating a flirty vibe again or building some sexual tension.
Or maybe you had too much surface level conversation and now its time to build a stronger connection or show some cool vulnerability. If a woman plays games with you. It's a red flag! She is not worth the headache or stress.
Women like that are damaged, have low self-esteem, insecure, attention whores, need for control, etc. I've been seeing her for 10 months and its always the same - hot for a few weeks - all lovey dovey then cold as ice. It drives me nuts. I am 15 and I had a really good friend in school for a few months but we both liked each other. It was really great and I could tell she really liked me but then we went for the holidays and didn't see each other for about 4 weeks and then on the first day back she said she doesn't want to be in a relationship and that being in a relationship stresses her out.
I didn't really believe that that is why she broke up with me and I assumed that after 4 weeks she had just lost interest in me but our friends say that she still likes me. Every once in a while I think she might still like me but generally she seems quite normal. I keep trying to get over her but I see her every day and am getting mixed signals so I just feel worse and worse.
I have no idea whats going on Does she still like me? Can I get her back? Should I just give up? Jimmy, You seem offended by my use of the word "complex". I was not suggesting that men are simple, just that women are more guided by their emotions, which makes their decision making process more complicated. I don't believe that emotional equates to irrational, and there are benefits and difficulties associated with both types of decision making.
When it comes to emotional response, I think the differences between men and women lead us to being able to find solutions that are both practical and empathetic. Gg You were not stupid. If a girl who is already in a committed relationship deliberately makes you feel that you have a chance with her, that is not your fault. However, people men and women also playfully flirt just because they find someone attractive.
This is just human nature, and as long as the boundaries are clear, there is nothing wrong with this. It is when someone is deliberately deceived that it causes pain and becomes cruel. Take heart. We all have past date experiences that we would rather forget. Look to the future and use your experience to help you find a girl who gives you the love and commitment you deserve.
Khan, I can understand why you are confused. She is giving you a lot of signs, but this might be because, as you said, she is unhappy in her marriage and she might be looking for a boost to her confidence and an excuse to leave her husband.
Of course, not knowing you both, I can't give definitive advice, but you might find this article helpful. I hope that you find happiness! She is a married women and she is my relative the day when I saw her it was like whooooo!
This story started when we were traveling together with my family she was sitting beside me and don't know she was intentionally allowing me to touch her body and my arm was touching to her tits and she allowed me. After an hour later I couldn't control myself and my hand was on her thighs, again she allowed me.
After that I called her and I asked is she angry on me for what happened? She reacted as if we did nothing I thought it was a signal then straight away she pushed me and said no and left and she went outside and called me and said don't do this again its not correct. I said OK! Then I couldn't control and started texting her and called her she used to answer my call and whenever I text her saying you look good in xxxx dress.
She dresses up in that same way and when I text her about hairstyle she follows it. There are many thing I cant explain that she is attracted towards me but she never admits it and my problem is like you know I cant even share with my friends.
I just need a simple way how to make her admit and allow me. I know she is not happy with her husband I dont want to hurt her. I just want to make her happy for some moments because she is very nice humble and polite and obviously she is beautiful. I dont understand what to do please help me out of this it would be great help! JMD, Thank you for your honesty. You must be feeling very sad and disappointed. It sounds to me like this guy had been played before by someone else and was sensitive about it happening again.
So often potential relationships are destroyed by lack of communication, understanding and by our own or our partner's insecurities. Women are always being told not to come on too strong, not to be too obvious and to play hard to get, or a man will not be interested. We're told that a man likes to chase a woman. Open, honest women are often portrayed as nerds, stalkers or desperate, or at the other end of the spectrum, as easy or promiscuous.
Communication isn't easy when there is already a minefield of misconceptions to negotiate. I have flirted with someone whom I think is amazing and everything was going well, and he was touching my arm, and it was turning me on and I was enjoying everything but then:. Because I moved away from the group to think more about what to do next, since I did like him SO MUCH and didn't want to jump in too quickly with all these pending factors looming, he assumed I didn't like him.
I really just wanted a few moments to spend privately, to flirt and chat rather than in front of a group. I like PDA, but usually I prefer that in front of friends and family when things are clear between people.
If it were a bar or something, it wouldn't be so bad- but these are important people, and every move was not something I would take lightly his mom was present.
I was just trying to do things slowly and more intentionally- with more verbal communication first. He left and now, I think he thinks I was giving him the cold shoulder and trying to play him in front of our friends and his family. It's sad because I felt he was amazing in that moment, and I was so in shock that someone so amazing and magical appeared in my life when I least expected it. Then I thought so many things are up in the air- I'm afraid he wouldn't understand.
I guess he didn't. I just do not get this one girl currently, it's like she expects me to read her mind. The thing is, the lesson I learn from this one girl 2 years ago, even the ones you might think they're into you, they will use you for the attention too. The same goes for putting energy into trying to woo her, or even in a friendship, being the one obvious trying to keep in contact, either relationship, isn't healthly.
It's likely that neither of you are compatible enough, one of youhas to change. Women are so immature. I dont trust the majority of them in a loving and caring relationship wise Well, I got into a relationship shortly after my previous post above from 10 months ago.
Although I feel things are going to end relatively soon, I must at least give myself credit for getting as far as I have with this girl, who was super closed off.
She is 25 and I am her first everything.
The relationship is waaay too much to get into at the moment, but it's making me question whether or not I wish to try again. Yes, fact remains that nice guys finish last, BUT how was I supposed to act during the whole suicide attempt aftermath, especially when I was the only one there for her? Needless to say, I did screw up a few times by being too nice and she tried to demote me to "just friends" status, but I was smart enough to know better than to accept that and walk away each time.
She did end up coming and asking for me back each time. I'm not sure if the pain of leaving her will exceed the pain of being with her, but I'm on the verge of giving her keys back, taking my stuff and completely cutting her off. And Elise, yes, I read your response. I appreciate it. However, I have to admit that being on the autism spectrum does affect relationships.
It doesn't help that I've lost some skills while in this relationship because I haven't been approaching and practicing with as many girls, and this girl I am with is very closed off and stays to herself - and does so by choice, as she doesn't have social anxiety. I've made the mistake of committing too much to her and becoming too attached to her.
Not sure if she is attached to me though I do admit that some of the times she wanted to take a break or break up had to do with the fact that she had doubts about the relationship since I did hold back my feelings a lot and pretended to care less than I actually did.
But then again, I did NOT get her attention in the first place by being a "nice guy," and I did notice that when I began to mess up and slide in that direction, that's when she would begin to lose some interest. She used to get a little upset when I didn't text her at least every other day or tell her where I was going, but I knew better than to do things like that and become the nice guy who ends up just being a friend!
I wont even get into more of this.
Related Video: When a Girl Doesn't Text Back (What It Means and How to Handle It)
It doesn't matter if she has any mental issues or not - all women are pretty much programmed the same psychologically. This is the precise reason so many relationships end and people usually the guy are left wondering what happened or why she cheated or why she isn't responding or showing as much interest anymore.
They simply stopped doing what attracted her at first. Therefore, the attraction she felt towards him also stopped as well. I have been seeing this girl who is doing this very thing and it's driving me nuts. I was casually dating her and it was going well. Once I was no longer dating anyone else she professed her love for me and said she was scared I might hurt her which is why she backed away. We talked hypothetically about marriage, kids, churches, the whole nine yards.
She dropped the "I love you" bomb all over the place. I figured I had landed a girlfriend and I was pretty happy about it because I really like the girl. Then in the span of a week, despite "communicating" with her daily, it feels labored.
Girl hot and cold dating
Like I am the one sending the texts and making the phone calls and sometimes its hours and hours before she responds. I like the girl and am wary about dating other people because I don't want to scare her off again. But if she's not into me anymore then who cares.
I just wish she'd spit it out, where are we at. Does she still love me or has she changed her mind. My situation's a lil different, but similar to what I've read above. We had a great time for 2 weeks, she was all about me and all over me, when we last saw each other it was all smiles and amicable.
Then outta nowhere she drops off the planet for a week and says she needs space and is acting hella cold and not giving me any actual reason behind it.
It's weird cuz she's a logical girl and a feminist, so big deal for her to be in relationship. I'm thinkin that she couldn't handle the strong feelings and how quickly we clicked together. Thoughts anybody? She has a problem with her relationship with herself, in short, she either does not know what she wants, or worse, has a deep rooted emotional crisis occurring at the subconscious level.
A mature woman who has inner peace and strength is a beautiful creature. Quickly, and politely, part ways while you seek a woman who knows what she is looking for, and has a mental state stable enough not to need male affirmation from the masses And do yourself a favor, be a MAN. You asked for examples of how to tell if a woman is attracted to you.
This is for you:. All of the reasons given by herpointofview could equally apply to men who also go hot and cold.
It's not any fun to make people feel insecure or hurt people. It's crap. It will totally backfire. It is okay to challenge a bit, keep a bit of mystery and some guess work. But this is a very delicate balancing act.
Overdo it and it will turn someone off for ever. This applies to both genders. Men play just as many games as women. There is a huge difference between playing manipulative games and trying to manipulate someone's feelings which ends up backfiring and gets no-one anywhere and being a little bit of a challenge, leaving some mystery.
An open book is not interesting. There has to be some mystery in order to create interest. And people do not value things that are handed to them on a plate. This shows just how immature girls really are and that they never mature into adulthood as quick as men. Very few girls are down to earth until they become women which typically doesn't happen until they reach there late 20s or early 30s. What I find even more crazy is how much women hate it when men play them and then they get all angry and categorize all men are the same, but when they hear men saying all women are the same they are so quick to defend and say NO not all women are the same.
Most women are a bunch of hypocrites these days and that's the real truth. It's because of how society raises them to be. They are taught that it's fun to hurt guys and make guys feel insecure. Girls playing hot and cold with guys is fun. Girls confusing guys is fun even to the point where guys punish them. Guys can't stop thinking.
They need to keep thinking. They're the ones chasing after girls. Girls want guys to be hurt and broken. And guys deserve to be treated badly, burned, hurt, and broken all the time while girls should always push guys' buttons, test, them, and challenge them too much.
We, men, sometimes forget, or pretend it is contrary, that everytime with no exceptiona woman choose her own mate. I hate to break it to you guys but there is another thing it could b.
Still, at the extreme, such open/closed-ness is crazy-making. Right after my divorce, straining to merge with a new partner, I ran really hot and really cold, a state I have since dubbed Bipolar. Why Do Women Act Hot and Cold? BY DAN BACON 1, articles. Dan Bacon Dan Bacon is a dating and relationship expert and the author of The Flow, an eBook that teaches you the . So you see, the blowing hot and cold pattern is highly predictable but the thing is, once you cross paths with someone who is an expert at this dating game, you will be hooked at stage one .
Thanks for the insight. I've been dating a girl for about a month now and this last week she has cut our planned day together short, canceled a date because she was sick, and then today began texting me in a positive happy way, but gave a cold answer to a flirty text reply and then stopped texting me all together.
I think colorsez hit the nail on the head with her 5th point that I did something to cause her to lose interest. My confusion is that if she lost interest in me, why is she initiating conversations?
This is surprisingly common. She gets tense when you are around so she closes off and cannot act normally. If a woman is very relaxed around a man, it often but not always means she is not interested in them as anything other than a friend.
When people tense up around someone, it often but not always means that that person has affected them on an emotional level and they are processing their feelings. The only way to get into any kind of relationship with someone who is love-shy is to proceed very slowly, and take cues from their body language. It's not just women who act hot and cold. Men do it too.
It's because you make yourself vulnerable to another person when you care about them. Acting hot and cold is just the mind's defence mechanisms in play. It's human nature to play games - everyone does it.
It's nothing to worry about if it only happens during the courting phase. Once you're in a serious relationship, though, proper communication should kick in.
Thank you for writing this hub based on your personal experiences : For me I have never had this problem You shouldn't have to mind read or play games if you are truly interested in someone : I guess the bottom line is to own your feelings and if the atmosphere changes come out with the explaination.
Have a great week. I appreciate this insight and this is the reason I will stay single forever. I don't have the energy to read minds and deal with this sort of madness. If I could find a down to earth girl who would just say what she felt, that would change it. I'm not autistic, but that doesn't make me normal.
I'm typically outgoing, but I can become a very different person with men I like, so much so that I don't even recognize myself. I'll become extremely introverted, or I'll unintentionally give mixed signals.
One day I'll be extroverted because I'm not uncertain of the situation in that moment, while the next day I'll be very quiet if I'm at all confused for any reason. I really need a man to be very direct and forthcoming, or I'll overanalyze and unfortunately misinterpret nearly everything.
I'm telling you this because I'd like to suggest that your autism does not mark you as distinctly deviant from the norm complete misnomer as much as you may think it does.
Please know this. I want a nice guy. Nice is very, very alluring. Nice draws me in before anything else. In my opinion, if you are sensitive, become attached to people with whom you feel a deep connection and treat people well, then you are exactly the kind of person that any stable woman would want to love.
Your autism will not preclude a successful, long-term relationship or marriage. Don't resign yourself to the life of a player when clearly that is not who you are. Being someone who is on the Autism Spectrum, understanding women or having long term success with them seems nearly impossible. I've finally improved my social skills to the point I've become the charismatic, fun, playful, and outgoing guy I've always dreamed of being.
However, I've realized that I still have trouble reading women and knowing how to attract and keep one long term. I've also come to the conclusion that I have no choice but to be a player or live the player lifetime since I always tend to unknowingly do something wrong that causes women to disappear or start ignoring me for seemingly no reasons. I admit, before I worked on changing and normalizing myself to the point where I can now maintain somewhat of a normal social life, I did a lot of weird things to scare women or people in general away.
However, I've learned to change my ways enough to the point where I can seemingly attract women temporarily and have not figured out how to surpass that temporary step. Therefore, I've figured out that it's best I enjoy multiple encounters with multiple women when I have the chance rather than try to commit to anyone long term.
People see me more as a "player" or female expert rather than a big nerd or weirdo. They may not have any idea what I go through or have been through to get where I am now in life, but it doesn't matter.
I'm just glad I've managed to "fix" myself as much as I have, although it took me 31 years to get it right. A lot of you "Normals" out there complain about your girl problems, but imagine what it's like to be someone on the Autism Spectrum! Being autistic at any level causes you to naturally want to do everything that's wrong when it comes to females and attraction.
That includes the natural sensitivity, natural desire to become attached to people you feel a deep connection with and the natural tendency to produce "nice guy behavior. But it's all good because despite the fact that I may never be in a long term relationship or get married, I at least know how to successfully approach, start conversations with, meet, and enjoy time with women.
This gives me the benefit of enjoying the moment with every woman I meet while I have a chance before I must move on to the next. Maybe some of you are thinking I should look for women who are also on the Autism Spectrum.
Only problem with that is they are even more confusing, maybe even more so than religious girls. Girl at work drives me crazy with this s h i t, and not in a good way. I say girl because she's 20, very beautiful blonde, a real head turner. I used to see her looking at me all the time, but whenever I approached her and made an effort to get to know her she would act so awkward and closed off. Her body language was very negative towards me, so I tried just joking around and being friendly and light hearted For a while I thought she was shy, but she seems fine with other guys.
It seemed to be always me approaching, in fact she usually ignores me unless I say hello first, quite rude for someone you know to behave like this, so after a while I just got sick of it, seeing her gazing in my direction all the time then acting uncomfortable like I'm a creep when I make an effort to talk to her.
In case you are thinking maybe it's me, it isn't, there are plenty of attractive women I work with who I get on well with. Her behavior has completely put me off even bothering to try and have a friendship or anything with her, I don't understand why she is so affected by me in this way, if she was really interested in me she would actually make an effort to get to know me, so she obviously isn't that bothered, but then she reacts to me like she is bothered.
After being played once in the past by a woman I was crazy about, any kind of behaviour like this is just a massive turn off for me. Confusion is the worst. I've backed off from guys for various reasons, some of which may sound terrible.
It's not always even necessarily because the guy wasn't cool or fun to be around it can be because that extra spark just wasn't there. Here are some reasons why I've lost interest I usually don't go back and forth, but I can tell after hangout sessions if I want to continue things :. Most women are selfish when it comes down to love and a man do your research. I have been dating a guy for 2 months almost.
Some days he is so into me and some he isn't at all. When i start to he comes back hot. Horrible game. Its frustrating and im thinkin about just ending it all together. Although we are in points in our lives where we both cannot really fall Hi, i met this girl a couple of weeks ago just randomly and she asked me what my name was and that stuff and added me on facebook. We hadn't talked since we met but i suddenly began thinking of her and then she started chatting with me 2 days later, she asked what i was doing etc and then suddenly all out of the blue she says "i just have to admit something, i think you're incredibly handsome" and i did never ever expect to hear that from her cause i think she is the cutest girl in the world!.
And then she asked me if i wanted to join her to see a movie the next day with two of her girl friends and ofcourse i said yes! Maybe it comes with experience, but when a woman is hot-n-cold with me, I turn to ice.
I literally terminate ALL signals and move on. I respect women who are responsible for their behavior, emotions, and communications. This article is great because it gives some insight into what's ticking. It wasn't even intentional. It was a general social demeanor which had to do with a lot of insecurity and uncertainty about other people. I eventually had to challenge it, confront it. Not easy, but I'm pretty clear with people now.
Interesting article. I am facing the problem now and hv no idea what this married woman is up to.
Why Do Women Act Hot and Cold?
She tried to be close to me for a few months but I backed out as I did not want rumours in the office. Thereafter, I got these hot and cold treatments for the past 9 months. Cant get out of it as we are colleagues. She avoids and ignores me when we are alone, but will be rather friendly most of the time in a group, and even arranged group outings intentionally inviting me and showing her temper when I did not respond. I honestly think that playing games with people is a very immature, childish and cruel thing to do with people.
Especially with men. Lets be honest here, why is it that the minute a man tries to honestly show his intentions that he automatically gets labelled a player? Shouldn't that be the best way when it comes to dating?
In my own personal experience, coming from a PUA background and understanding what attraction is, i somewhat find it hard to believe that women respond mainly to their emotions and it being part of their nature All of that is complete rubbish, because if that were true, then does that automatically make it acceptable to commit murder and use the excuse of your emotions for acting the way you acted?
As long as game playing exists, there will never be honest and straight forward relatonships because of it will revolve around ego and self validation and nothing about love Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages and Hubbers authors may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.
HubPages Inc, a part of Maven Inc. As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, pairedlife. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so. She's into your friend. It's an inappropriate situation. She is punishing you. She's feeling insecure. She's playing you. She's not into you, but she's being polite. It's an Inappropriate Situation No matter how crazy I might be about a man, sometimes it is inappropriate to flirt or even admit an interest.
Some examples of this might be: We work together, and I don't want to flirt in the office and start rumors. Either my or your ex is somewhere in the vicinity, and I don't want any conflict. One of us is married or unavailable in some way, and I don't want our feelings made public. Someone has said something about our relationship, and I want to prove them wrong or throw them off the scent. I'm pretending to others that I'm not interested in you for whatever reason. She's Punishing You If a guy has hurt me, I'm going to be angry.
She's Feeling Insecure Maybe something has happened to make me feel unsure about myself or about our relationship. She's Playing You I'm not interested in him, but I know he has feelings for me, and I love the attention. Dealing With Mixed Signals I'm not going to pretend otherwise: Woman are complex and complicated individuals, often much more so than men. Phone issues: Cell phones still get messed up from time to time, so it's possible that her phone broke or is not able to receive or send messages.
Texting is not her thing: Some women do not text very often and have no desire to frequently text people. While that may seem odd in this day and age, there are still people out there who stay away from their phones.